Lehigh Valley and Allentown residents know that when you learn someone close to you has Alzheimer’s disease, deciding when and how to tell your family and friends may be difficult, especially when it comes to children. You may be worried about how others will react to or treat your loved one. It’s okay to wait until you feel emotionally ready to share the news or to only tell your closest family members and friends. By knowing what is happening, the people you trust the most can help support you and the person with Alzheimer’s. These suggestions from South Mountain Memory Care can help get you started.
Sharing the diagnosis
It may be hard to share a loved one’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis with others. Here are a few suggested approaches:
- Realize that family and friends often sense that something is wrong before they are told.
- Be honest with them about the Alzheimer’s diagnosis. Explain that Alzheimer’s is a brain disease that can have wide-ranging symptoms. Memory loss is a common symptom, but it’s not the only one. Changes in behavior and communication are also common.
- Share resources to help them understand what you and the person with Alzheimer’s are experiencing.
- Give examples of ways they can help, such as visiting, providing meals, or helping with home safety modifications. Let them know you need breaks.
Helping family and friends feel comfortable
Family and friends may not know how to interact with someone who has Alzheimer’s. Share tips to help them feel more comfortable. You can:
Read and share this infographic about how to communicate with a person who has Alzheimer’s disease.
- Tell people who visit how much your loved one can understand. For example, if the person is still in the early stage of Alzheimer’s, you might say that they can still have a conversation over dinner or play a favorite board game.
- If your loved one has difficulty remembering people, suggest that visitors start a conversation with the person by briefly introducing themselves. For example, “Hello George, I’m John. We used to work together.”
- Offer ways to make the conversation easier and more respectful, such as not correcting or arguing with the person with Alzheimer’s if they make a mistake or forget something.
- Remind visitors to be patient when the person with Alzheimer’s has trouble finding the right words or putting feelings into words.
- Suggest activities beyond talking that they can do together, including listening to music or looking through a photo album.
Helping children understand
When dementia strikes an older family member in the Lehigh Valley area, the effect on children can be overlooked, especially when the children knew “Grandma and Grandpa” in earlier, more “normal” days. Discussing the situation may seem as scary to adults as the patient’s actions seem to grandchildren, but ignoring or covering up the matter is neither wise nor helpful. Here are some tips:
- Answer their questions simply and honestly. For example, you might tell a young child, “Grandma has an illness that makes it hard for her to remember things.”
- Tell them that feelings of sadness and anger are normal.
- Comfort them. Explain that no one caused the disease. Young children may think they did something to hurt their grandparent.
Younger children may watch how you act around your loved one with Alzheimer’s. Do not use “baby talk” or adopt a harsh tone with your loved one—children may pick up on this and act similarly. Try to be mindful of the tone of voice you’re using and the way you’re interacting with them. It’s important to show children they can still talk with the person and do things with them. Activities children and people with Alzheimer’s might do together include:
- simple arts and crafts.
- playing music or singing.
- looking through photo albums.
- reading stories out loud.
If you and your children are living in the same house as someone with Alzheimer’s, it’s important not to let the caregiving responsibilities overshadow the children’s day-to-day needs. For example:
- Avoid having a young child help take care of or “babysit” the person with Alzheimer’s. This may not be safe for the child or that person.
- Make sure the child has time for their own interests and needs, such as playing with friends, school activities, and doing homework.
- Spend quality time with your child so they don’t feel that all your attention is on the person with Alzheimer’s.
- Be honest about your feelings when you talk with kids, but don’t overwhelm them.
Some children may not talk about their feelings but may act out at school or at home. Older children and teens might be embarrassed by the behavior of the person with Alzheimer’s. Let children know they can always talk to you about what they’re feeling. School counselors and social workers can also help children develop healthy ways to process their feelings.
Whatever the cause or level of your or your loved one’s memory issues, South Mountain Memory Care, with our unique culture, “small house” model, and abundance of certified caregivers, offers you the peace of mind of knowing your loved one will be cared for as if they were our family—which they are!
South Mountain Memory Care is committed to providing individualized, compassionate care to support our residents in achieving a well-balanced lifestyle. We strive to allow our residents to remain independent while emphasizing safety. Our focus is to enrich their life—mind, body, and spirit—by bringing new initiatives into their day-to-day regimen while maintaining the activities they find comfort in. South Mountain Memory Care offers the peace of mind you deserve. When it comes to those you care so deeply about, we understand because we care, too.
Adapted from “Helping Family and Friends Understand Alzheimer’s Disease” (nia.nih.gov/health/alzheimers-and-relationships/helping-family-and-friends-understand-alzheimers-disease).