The Big Family Holidays are fast approaching in Allentown and the Lehigh Valley area! For many, these are happy, exciting times shared with family and friends. Those who have loved ones living in memory care communities like South Mountain Memory Care may have questions and qualms about spending time with these special people, especially if this is a new situation for them. Family dynamics have changed, yet your desire to share holiday joys and traditions has not. Here are answers to some questions you may be asking.
Should we take our loved one to a gathering outside of the memory care community for a holiday dinner?
Gatherings at home are traditions that may have spanned decades. However, most experts advise that you find a way to celebrate in the patient’s new home. One reason dementia patients fare well in their communities is that they are in a familiar place with familiar people and routines. The change and commotion of a move can cause agitation, confusion, and even anger. See if there is a way to gather at the community, which may be sponsoring in-house celebrations.
How extravagant should we make the holiday celebrations?
One thing to remember is that, in general, there are no “holidays” for many dementia patients. One day may be no different from another. It’s not the “day” that counts, but the company. Too much excitement, and the temptation to “remember when,” can be frustrating. Gatherings should be no-pressure situations.
What emotions should we expect to personally deal with on a holiday visit?
First of all, you must focus on who the person is at the moment. By this, we mean that we want the person to be “the way they were” before the diagnosis. But personalities, actions, emotions, speech, preferences, habits, etc., change the person with dementia. This can bring a disconnect among family members, and even resentment when Grandma recognizes or favors one person over another. Remember, this is not the same person; it is the disease that is ruling, not the person! Don’t be offended or resentful when things don’t turn out the way you expect.
What should we never do when visiting our loved one with dementia?
As you can see from the thoughts shared above, time with your loved one will be different from what you remember, and even frustrating. In preparation, here are some things you should never do.
- Never try to force them to remember things, people, events, etc. Dementia is a memory disease; they will get embarrassed, frustrated, and hurt if you remind them that they can’t remember.
- Do not get angry or act negatively toward your loved one. As stated before, it is not them acting out; it is the disease. Negativity only escalates, and no one is helped by it.
- Try to live in their world. That is all they know. They may not know what day or time it is or who you are or what they did yesterday, let alone 10 years ago. Try to adapt.
- Don’t argue with your loved one or try to correct them.
- Answer their uncomfortable questions by gently diverting their attention. If Dad wants to know when his (deceased) wife is coming home, say, “I know you can’t wait to see Mom, so let’s play cards while we wait.” No need to distress him by reminding him that she has passed on.
Spending holidays with loved ones with dementia will not be “like it used to be,” but it doesn’t have to be stressful. Remember, it’s not about the time but about the time together! If you have any questions about visiting your loved one at South Mountain Memory Care, please contact us at 610-965-7662.
Whatever the cause or level of your or your loved one’s memory issues, South Mountain Memory Care, with our unique culture, “small house” model, and abundance of certified caregivers, offers you the peace of mind of knowing your loved one will be cared for as if they were our family—which they are!
South Mountain Memory Care is committed to providing individualized, compassionate care to support our residents in achieving a well-balanced lifestyle. We strive to allow our residents to remain independent while emphasizing safety. Our focus is to enrich their life—mind, body, and spirit—by bringing new initiatives into their day-to-day regimen while maintaining the activities they find comfort in. South Mountain Memory Care offers the peace of mind you deserve. When it comes to those you care so deeply about, we understand because we care, too.
