The holidays, whether they are “The Big Ones” at the end of the year or any other celebrations in the Allentown-Lehigh Valley area, are expected to be times when family and friends gather to share food, fun, and frivolity. However, when loved ones with Alzheimer’s or another dementia are involved, there can be uncertainty and even sadness. When siblings, parents, or grandparents begin to act “strange” or have moved into a memory care community, one may wonder whether they should still be part of the holiday gathering.
You may feel awkward if you do make them part of the traditional party, but you may also feel guilty if you leave them out. These decisions can make the usual holiday emotions and stresses run high and breed confusion. With some careful, determined planning, and a few modifications, in most cases, holiday gatherings can be manageable and even memorable for caregivers and patients alike. Let love and the spirit of the holidays be your guide!
Caring for caregivers during the holidays
Providing care for a loved one with dementia can be extremely taxing and disruptive. Caregivers need to know they are cared about, and that doesn’t always come from the afflicted one. Here are some suggestions for including the caregiver.
- Caregivers can use a break from planning and preparing meals. A potluck-style holiday meal, with attendees supplying some of the food (and decorations!), will be a welcome break from what may often seem a thankless job.
- Unwrapping the gift of time may be more valuable than any physical present. Offer to stay with or visit their loved one while the caregiver gets out for some free “me” time.
- A caregiver’s duties will often dictate their schedule and availability. Whoever is hosting the holiday party must understand that the caregiver may not be able to attend. An alternative to having them feel guilty or pressured is to bring them some leftovers and maybe bits of interesting conversation from the party, so the caregiver feels included.
- In these days of instant communication, there is no reason that an out-of-town caregiver must be left out of the festivities. Show your support with a text, email, phone call, or even a video chat. Brighten their day with caring feelings that will linger!
Preparing a place for the person with dementia during the holidays
The dementia patient is not there to be hidden in a corner nor made the unnatural focus of the celebration (unless, of course, the celebration is for the person!). There are a number of steps you can take to ease the stress on all your guests.
- Dementia sufferers like routines. If they have a certain time for sleeping or eating, build that into the celebration. If that means passing on invitations that cannot accommodate them, so be it.
- People living with dementia may get confused and agitated easily. If possible, gatherings should be kept small and not overly stimulating. Try to keep a calming vibe.
- Whether you are hosting the gathering or bringing your loved one to a celebration, let the others know what to expect and what your boundaries are. This can be done gently but firmly. Remind guests that perhaps Mom won’t remember your name, or that visiting times are limited to keep Gramps from getting too tired or agitated.
- Because loved ones with dementia can be easily confused and may have mobility limits, travel must be carefully planned or even deemed inadvisable in some cases.
- Involve your loved one in the preparation, especially if they used to host parties themselves. Can they mash the potatoes or stir the gravy? Get the butter from the fridge? Let me know when the timer goes off? Put out the napkins?
- Holiday safety is always an issue for everyone. Battery-operated candles pose little hazard. Watch out for extension cords and loose rugs. Glass and valuable ornaments should be out of reach if possible. Maybe festive paper plates and plasticware would be appropriate for that “special” person!
- If the gathering will be large, provide name tags for all the guests; anyone can forget a name! Try to have a quiet space, perhaps in an empty room, for a retreat (for anyone, not just the dementia patient!).
The purpose of family-and-friend get-togethers is to share happiness and love—to bond together in celebration of a special event. With careful planning and consideration, that “special” someone could be a part of that party!
South Mountain Memory Care focuses on high-quality, personalized care. The brand-new building is a stand-alone memory care community, meaning that the entire building, staff, and programs are designed to cater to residents with cognitive issues. To ensure person-centered care and attention, we have accommodations for up to 28 residents. The building is divided into two neighborhoods (wings), each offering 10 private suites and 2 semi-private suites.
South Mountain Memory Care is located in the Allentown suburb of Emmaus, Pennsylvania, and it is easily accessible from the Lehigh Valley, New Jersey, and Philadelphia. For more information, go to southmountainmemorycare.com.
